Letting go of the old

I have come to a place in my life where I have had to let go of some old friends. You know, the type of "friends" that dont care what your doing in your life. The kind that talk behind your back and try to make others think bad about you. Ive had to let go of the "friends" that have to compare thier lives with everyone else's and who always have to feel that they are one up. The kind of "friends" that are secretly wanting to see you fall on your face. The kind that you cant trust with a secret or would never ask advice from. I think its Gods way to make room for the new. For now, Im letting go of the old.

My twin-mommas

This is just a little thank you to some wonderful ladies that I have grown to love...We all found out together that we were pregnant with twins. We shared so many stories and advice throughout every single stage of our pregnancies. We laughed ( a lot), we cried ( a lot too). We shared our nursery colors, picked out names, had morning sickness together, cravings, aches and pains. We shared our worries and fears along with our happiness and joy.

Im so thankful for these ladies for allowing me to be in thier lives and to have continued our journey as mommies together. Its so neat that our babies are all the same ages, and we all still talk, almost on a daily basis. Its so great to have this group of ladies that have stuck together, and I just want them to know how special they are to me.

My little boys! Khalil, and ^Kamal^


Me, about 5 months pregnant with two little boys...

Almost 9 months pregnant...

Very behind

Ok,so I officially have dropped the ball with my blogging. I cannot believe it has been since May that I last posted here. I pretty much let the whole summer pass on by. A recap of the last few months: Keenan had a really great year in tball...so fun to watch him learn to play the sport and actually keep up with the Dodgers and the players with me this season.

We got Lil's a potty chair, that he has yet to use properly.

We had our annual San Diego vacation, and had the best time yet... Went to our favorite baseball stadium (sorry Dodgers) We try to make it a yearly thing to go see the Padres play...

Went to Sea World, Lil's first time. The "big" kids sat in the front of the Shamu show and got drenched! It was a fun time...

Visited with our cousins and my sister for a week. And got Disneyland passes....went to the beach, went to Magic Mountain for the first time, and did so much more.

I cant believe September has come and gone, and we are getting ready to finish up October.

The kids have really good teachers this year and I like it because its the first year Keenan is in full-time. ( need a break sometimes). I have enrolled back in school, and am currently taking some Real Estate classes and finance classes. Dont know where that will take me. I love it a lot, especially the math. Being in school has relit the fire inside me to want to finish. I plan on taking another full load in the spring to FINALLY finish up my teaching degree.

Markers

So, Khalil has discovered what markers do. And he thinks its funny to now grab a marker and run into the bedroom with it in his hand, take the top off and color on stuff.

He colored all over Kee Kee's dresser, and thank goodness it wiped right off! It's one of those things that is funny, but not really funny.

And as much as I think I have hidden the markers in the house, here he comes around the corner with a marker with the top off again.

Khalil's birthday!

My little monkey has turned one! We had a "monkey themed" party for him last weekend. Besides it being scorching hot that day, it was really nice. I did pray that it wouldn't rain, so I guess we got the opposite. I'm so glad my mom came by a little early to help me out. She really did a lot with decorating the backyard with streamers and prepping food, even cutting those strong red onions, and it was so appreciated.

Keenan made hot dogs and hamburgers and the cake turned out exactly the way I wanted. The kids all jumped in the jumper and the grownups mingled. Khalil loved his cake and now I have another child with "my" horrible sweet tooth.

Khalil has brought me so much joy. I feel like it's bittersweet. Having other mommy friends that are all celebrating one year birthday parties with twins makes me sad to know that I dont have Khalil's twin brother with us. I'm saddened because I don't want him to be forgotten. I wanted to do something special in honor of Kamal, I want my kids to know they have another brother that is in heaven because God needed him. But my sadness is intertwined with this feeling of gratitude for the baby that I have. He is healthy and fun. Not affectionate but a definant momma's boy. His smile is contagious and the other kids love him so much. I treasure him more because I know how much he has changed all of us. It wasn't easy but he has taken the feelings of grief and weary away.

So, with that all said I want to say Happy birthday to my baby in heaven too. Your family loves you and will always know that you were taken for a reason and you will always live in our hearts!

been busy

^Malia

^Nessie

^ The boys watching

Ok Im really lagging on this blog thing. When I want to write I get busy or just forget. It doesn't help that daylight savings time has really thrown me off. We have all been waking up too late in the mornings and just not being able to get a good routine down. The girls are playing softball and Kee Kee is in tee-ball. So, majority of the time we are at the field right now. We have practice almost everyday and then games all weekend long. But they love it so it's all worth it to me.

12 and 30, what a good thing!

A few weeks ago Malia turned 12. 12 years old! I officially have a PRE- teen. Then a few days later I turned 30. All this has made me really look back and reflect on my life in the past decade. I was so young when I had Malia. ALMOST 18 years old. I remember how tiny she was and how hard and fast my heart was beating when the nurses gave her to me, and that first diaper I had to change. I remember at first sight, I wanted to be the best mom to her that I could.

I say that to say this.

I am really excited to be 30. I am so much more confident in who I am than I was when I was 20. I am a different mom to Khalil than I was with Malia. Not in a bad way. Just more mature. More seasoned. I used to feel embarrased or ashamed that I had my daughter at such a young age, but I am so happy that I did. I love watching her grow up and start to want to be "cool" and "trendy". It cracks me up to not know the latest dances and sayings. The other night she taught me some dance moves for the "Cupid shuffle", and "All the single ladies". We had a blast!

I love that I have to ask her opinion on my outfits in the mornings and tell me if it looks ok or not. Or that she views me and her daddy as "old". Or she'll say "back in the day" for when we were kids. I am so excited for this next chapter in the Smith Book. But having a pre-teen at 30 years old just really feels so amazing!

Does that sound wierd? It probably does, but it is such a great feeling.